Tip #1: Don’t Worry. Your child will not die of malnutrition or starvation. He or she will not be 25 and still eating only peanut butter sandwiches. If your child’s diet is very limited (as in nothing but peanut butter sandwiches and vanilla yogurt for 8 months straight), a multivitamin or toddler nutrition shake will take care of missing vitamins and nutrients while you work on the eating.

From six months on, we’re trained to worry about our child’s eating habits. Public health nurses hand us leaflets that tell us what to feed our children and when. We’re told that we have a ‘limited window’ for introducing textures as the child gets older. Apparently if your 12 month old is still eating mush, he will always eat mush.

Sarah and Angela, both mothers of two in St. John’s, were led to believe this. Even the dietician Angela was sent to see told her the same. However, there’s not a single study that backs up this idea. There is one very old study ( Illingworth RS, Lister J. ‘The Critical or Sensitive Period, with Special Reference to Certain Feeding Problems in Infants and Children.’ Journal of Pediatrics, 1964 Dec;65:839-48)that shows that for children with abnormal development, extended use of feeding tubes, or severe physical and emotional disorders, introducing solids before 12 months leads to better development of chewing and swallowing. But most of us aren’t in that situation.

So, simply put, don’t worry. Your child will eat a varied diet eventually. Be mindful and knowledgeable but don’t let stress get the better of you at mealtimes.

Tip #2: Mealtimes should be enjoyable and positive. Try to create a relaxed atmosphere. Playing background music, engaging in conversation, or even playing mealtime games can help take the focus off the battles over what to eat. Eating together as a family encourages children to want to be at the table. Don’t allow distractions such as toys, TV or books. Explain the rules to your child before meals and gently remind them during the meal, but try not to spend the meal engaging in whining and yelling with your child.

Tip #3: You’re not a conflict mediator – you’re the parent. Don’t do it. Do not engage in bargaining or renegotiating the terms of your mealtime contract. Do not offer dessert if your child cleans his plate or let your child cajole you into giving her candy for eating her potatoes. If you plan on dessert, just make it another part of the meal that your child is welcome to take part in. Offering dessert and treats as a reward for eating less desired foods reinforces children’s beliefs that dessert is good and vegetables are not. If you have an agreement about what your child is expected to eat, don’t allow her to change the rules at the table.

Tip #4: Never offer alternatives! Parents are not short order cooks and family kitchens are not restaurants. Try to make sure each meal contains at least one item your child likes, but serve that on their plate along with a healthy variety of other foods. If they don’t eat the other foods that’s fine, but they still belong on the plate. Sometimes I will offer my son the same items prepared slightly differently (i.e. instead of cooked carrot he has raw) but that’s the extent of how far you should go.

Tip #5: Don’t overwhelm your child. If you think your child won’t want to try the majority of the meal, than serve micro-portions. A child can look at a plate with two or three bites of a new food as surmountable, but a plate heaped high is an impossible task. If your child surprises you and likes the food you can always serve seconds.

Tip #6: Set realistic goals. Remember that great adventures begin with baby steps. Just one nibble of a food your child refuses to eat should be cause for celebration. Last week I mentioned the Today I Ate a Rainbow chart. Such a device is great for picky eaters. At first, one bite of a food would earn my son a magnet, then we progressed to a full serving; nowadays we’re trying to complete the chart twice! Whatever you decide to use to reinforce your child’s positive behaviour, make sure that each step they take is rewarded with applause and encouragement.

Tip #7: You’re not at war with your child and his/her pickiness. For many children, especially toddlers or children who suddenly develop dislikes at an older age, their pickiness is more about control than anything else. Angela, the mom mentioned previously, discovered that as soon as her son was able to feed himself he was willing to eat table foods. Even at a young age, though, he resisted being fed by someone else.

Older children will sometimes declare they are vegetarians or decide they are ‘allergic’ to something. The key in these situations is not to create battles. If your child can reasonably explain why they refuse to eat a food, let them not eat it. But remind them that they still need to eat a complete diet of foods and they are going to have to learn how to prepare their own meals when the family is eating something they can’t.

Tip #8: Allow a little hatred (just for food though!) Some dislikes are normal. My husband can’t stand turnip or parsnip and isn’t very fond of broccoli. His mother always tried to force him to eat those vegetables. However, it turns out the dislike for some vegetables is actually due to genetics. Enhanced bitter-taste receptors on the tongue cause some people to react to the bitterness in certain vegetables more than others! I hate cantaloupe and mushrooms, but I haven’t got the same convenient excuse as my husband. If your child is eating a well varied diet but refuses one or two items, let them, they probably truly dislike those foods.

Tip #9: Talk is cheap; discussion is good. It’s important that you engage your child in conversations about the foods you eat and the choices you make. Older children will understand how marketing affects their attitudes towards foods. Younger children will love being involved in grocery shopping and food preparation. Like beliefs, morals and manners, attitudes toward food must be taught to your children through example and discussion. For my kids, the Rainbow chart provided a great springboard for discussing what fruits and vegetables are and why variety is important.

Tip #10. Don’t ever give up. Especially, don’t give in. I was devastated to read one mother’s comment after my first column that because her child didn’t like fruits and vegetables they let her eat junk and now she’s obese. We are all naturally curious and seek out variety; children and the foods they eat are no different. With the proper support and encouragement, most picky eaters will eventually discover a wonderful palette of foods to choose from that engage their taste buds and their curiosity.

Dara Squires www.readilyaparent.com

At five months pregnant I was digging a vegetable garden ‘” at eight months, I was harvesting … on my due date, I picked blueberries. We bought a food processor, and even before my child was born, I was mindfully preparing his first foods.

He loved his unsweetened stewed rhubarb, fresh garden carrots, and especially the blueberries. On his first birthday, our menu consisted of raw fruits and vegetables, tabouleh, spaghetti squash, hummus and pita chips. If ever I came across a food he didn’t like, I’d just sprinkle some curry powder on it and he’d eat it with relish.

Then, around his third birthday, the fairy tale suddenly came to a screeching halt. He didn’t want vegetables ‘” hated most homemade items. His preferred condiment switched from curry powder to ketchup.

We’re still not sure what happened. Partly, we know, the textures of foods began to disturb him. But we also know we made mistakes.

We offered alternatives ‘” peanut butter sandwiches became a fairly constant meal. In an effort not to turn mealtimes into a power struggle, we rolled over and played dead.

We followed the advice of ‘experts’ and offered vegetables with every meal but didn’t insist he eat them. He got worse. Suddenly, rice and non-processed meats were out.

When I wrote my first column, a commentator suggested that I give my son vegetables for breakfast, lunch and supper. Little did he know, we often do. Muffins, cookies, pancakes, hamburgers, and especially pasta, always have vegetables in them in our house. That food processor is still going strong almost six years later.

We make sure to tell our son that his food does include vegetables and he’s OK with that as long as he can’t see them or feel them. I can understand the texture issue. I hate mushrooms and raw tomatoes but love tomato sauce and mushroom flavouring in casseroles.

Last week our son asked to eat raw red and green peppers. Then ate his supper without me having to puree and hide the yellow zucchini and onions.

I danced, I cried and I immediately followed him to his Today I Ate a Rainbow chart to put his magnets on and sing the Rainbow song together. I’d like to say he now eats vegetables like he did those first years, but we’re still working on it. There are some things we’ve done that I know didn’t work. Others definitely helped; we’ll continue the learning process with him.

Things that didn’t work
The things that didn’t work are the very ones most experts now suggest. In one book on the subject I was told to ignore the issue, don’t make a big deal of it as this will lead to power struggles. But it was when we began making an issue of it that he saw how important it was to us.

Another article told me not to withhold dessert or treats if he doesn’t finish all his supper. Another told me to reward any vegetable eating with praise, treats, toys. Neither of these worked.

What did work was a system we discovered using the Today I Ate a Rainbow chart that allowed us to praise efforts towards eating healthy fruits and vegetables and offer a lot of praise when the ‘rainbow’ was complete.

For over a year our son would receive a sticker on his behaviour chart for eating vegetables. He never cared about not getting those stickers. The moment we brought the new chart in the house, he began to try for those rewards.

I’ve thought a lot about why the Rainbow chart works and I think it’s because it does exactly what a lot of ‘experts’ tell us not to do. It encourages us to make an issue of vegetables and healthy eating. It offers a model for discussion that a child can understand.

While I sometimes worried that we’d cause long-term food issues by talking about food too much, I discovered that the more we talked about it the more interested, concerned and willing to take action our children became.

My children know that too much McDonalds will make them overweight.

They know that being overweight means it will be harder for them to play and that they could get very sick. They’re aware that Mommy won’t serve processed foods because sodium can give them high blood pressure, which can make them tired and sick. They know that lots of sugar and, for my son at least, red food colouring, makes them act bad and that makes Mommy and Daddy mad.

We’ve talked about all these things and we’ve also talked about the reasons why we need to eat certain foods.

Despite what I’ve read from ‘experts,’ making an issue of what we eat and don’t eat has not led to power struggles, but to discussion and conversation.

Now it’s not just Mommy being mindful of what we eat, but all of us.

Dara Squires www.readilyaparent.com